I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Randomize
