"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
