I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
