If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
