So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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