i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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