sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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