Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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