You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
