Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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