I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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