I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
