I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
