hotel room ftw
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
