I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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