Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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