Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just pee around me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
