at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
