remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
