I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
