Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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