I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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