I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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