i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
