literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
