Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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