so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
