I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
