No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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