Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
