I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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