you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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