I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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