Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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