I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
