I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
