My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
