Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
