I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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