She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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