had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize