Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
