I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
