I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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