My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
