and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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