I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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