this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
