Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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