Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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