My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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