Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
