yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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