everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
