The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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