From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
