what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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