Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can I color on your dick again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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