I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
